Surrogate Resources: Help with Surrogacy Issues

Surrogate Resources: Help with Surrogacy Issues

Shipping Breast Milk to Intended Parents

Shipping Breast Milk to Intended Parents

Post delivery/recovery

Morning after the delivery, alone time with my family and baby Mac.

Well it's been a week and a half after the delivery and I'm recouping slowly, considering I'm without the infant that needs endless care taking.  It must be the age thing then, cause I feel like I got hit by a MAC truck.  The fact that I'm pumping for little Mac is most likely the cause of my fatigue but I know the importance of the first 3 months of breast feeding, so that is my personal goal, to make it one month at a time, as long as it does not jeopardize my family or my health and healing.   I've been taken back some with a "back to school" cold which is kicking my butt as well. 

There has been huge chunks of clarity this week for me, reliving the entire year that as now come to brief close.  This journey has changed me and the way I engage life.  I find having to find a place for the more difficult parts and then soon enough I'll know what to do with them.  Like this little drawer of temporary storage. 

There has been short moments with feelings of loss, which just leaves me with this anxiousness to keep my precious two within eye distance for fear of loosing anything more.   I know that will fade with time but it is not easy for the immediate time being.  All this could very well be a hormonal response to the birth and delivery, so I will be patient and let it fall into place.  Meanwhile watching this amazing little gift make her new parents melt, graces me with a content and happy spirit.

It is truly amazing the huge amount of support and love my family's receiving because of this choice and journey.  I'm not to sure I could of made it this far without it all.  It gets a little overwhelming at times to feel so admired for doing something I knew I was supposed to do.  I'm not this incredible person nor am I superwoman.  God just chose me and granted me small lessons of life along the way. 

Saying goodbye to little Mac.

I just couldn't imagine their life without the experience of watching amazing children, like the ones I have been blessed with, grow old along with them.  

Good night baby...

Strong contractions and still nothing... approaching 39 weeks, and then.

Last night was a very sleepless night. 

We were at the beach yesterday, which was needed, to get out of this house and the heat.  I thought the events of that day would help the laboring progress to the next level.  I woke up around 2-2:30am thinking if the contractions kept up we'd be heading to the hospital very soon, if not that night- but of course they stayed inconsistent and just annoyingly painful.  I Woke up this morning exhausted with nothing more than more soreness and weariness.  It is not desperation yet but nearing it.  I've reread all my labor inducing rituals and some of them just wear me out thinking about them, so I'm sticking to the decision to let her come when she's ready and not fret to much on the expectations....

Tuesday September 7, 2010

Took my oldest to school, receiving many supportive comments from all the mom's and my friends that have watched this experience unfold for the last 10 months, did the grocery shopping with the 3 yr old, and came home ready to get the ball rolling.  1:00 pm: 2oz. of castor oil and a shot of coke, upside down pose to get the baby's head to drop into position and open up dilation, and to top It all off a nice long walk with my daughter.  1-2 hours later the castor oil seemed to help rid myself of all the unneeded baggage but as for contractions it did nothing to keep them consistent or progress.

4:00pm: the 39 week Dr. appointment with the intending mother, who has been in town for over 3 weeks now anticipating her arrival.

I rescheduled the appt. for today based on the need to have my husband present during labor and delivery.  He was scheduled this week to be traveling heavily and I wanted to ground him home for selfish reasons!  I was very sure of one thing, and that was not wanting to do this without him.   Meanwhile. at the Dr. office, I was informed there had not been any progress from the previous 38 week appointment, so he politely stripped my membranes and sent me home in more discomfort with instructions to head into the hospital if contractions were 5 minutes apart or less. 

At home that evening my mother in law came over to help with dinner while we were expecting my husband to arrive from his long day trip to LA any moment.  We had some burgers and fries with the kids and no longer than my husband's foot steps through the door I knew the "right contractions" were starting to get very consistent.  With pep in our step we sent Grandmother home to pack her overnight bags and we proceeded to time every contraction for another hour.  The 3 minute apart contractions lasted through the long hot shower I took in preparation for the awaited evening.  Grandmother came back with her bags packed and we were off.  Knowing the hospital was only 10 minutes away we were afforded a few more minutes to do the last schedule changes and arrangements, then we said our goodbyes and eagerly proceeded to the next phase of this journey. 

8:00pm arrival at the hospital. 

I was having regular contractions that were still 3 minutes apart then they had me lie down to start the monitoring and do the initial exam.  The not so friendly nurse examined me and in her most indelicate manner informed me I was ONLY dilated to a 2 and would probably be sent home.  I was sure she had to be kidding, but laying down was really uncomfortable and wasn't doing much for moving the contractions along either.   So the doula and I headed for the halls, and no longer than 30 minutes of walking later I was in such excruciating pain we decided to get back to the monitors for another examination.  Sure enough, I was dilated to an 8.  The not so friendly nurse looked a little panicky as she made the frantic calls to the doctor and staff to get the delivery room ready.  I barely made it to the room, via wheelchair, before the first urge to push. 30 minutes of waiting for the doctor to arrive, no chance of epidural, and 10 minutes of pushing later, the lovely Mac was born.  She was a beautiful sight to see and a healthy 6lbs and 5 oz. 18 inches long.  What an end to such a long journey, but the best reward for me was to see her sweet face and hold her close.  The end of this journey hit me the next day when I decided to venture out of my hospital room to visit the baby in the nursery.  The staff would not let me in to hold her and then I realized my part of carrying this baby, was done.   It was a harsh realization but it did help me move on, and back to the hospital bed to rest and focus on MY recovery. 

This is my son and I holding her hand the morning after in the hospital.

38 weeks and 1 day

Dr. appointment today. 

She stated I'm measuring smaller than last week, maybe because she dropped lower into my pelvis- which feels about right to me.  I'm showing at 80% effaced and dilated to a 3.  Now we wait some more... come on water, BREAK! 

The progress pain is more noticeable now and walking has taken on a new purpose for me.  I've been able to maintain a 3 day a week walking schedule at the gym, but today was 45 minutes of straight excruciating pain.  I didn't think I'd make it the whole 45 minute goal.  The sciatica pain has started, which thank God it didn't start till this week.  My last pregnancy it started at 5 months and stayed pretty consistent even with regular chiropractic visits.    I'm relieved to know we are heading into the last days. 

This week has been exhausting with very little sleep and the heat close to the hundreds again.  I'm looking forward to a quick climate change- maybe the cooler San Diego beaches are calling my name one last time before baby arrives.  It is Labor Day weekend, I think we need one last celebration. 

Both intending parents will be in town by tomorrow this time, maybe she is waiting for them to be together to make her final decent.  We are ready for the arrival, car seat is installed, breast pump is sanitized and ready to pump, hospital bags are packed, emergency call list ready, what else are we forgetting.  We've decided to try the first month of me pumping baby milk and sending them the packages weekly.  It turns out there is no one way to send breast milk half way across the country, who would of thought.  It is also very time consuming and extremely costly!   I'm hoping it isn't as complicated as it looks like it could be, so baby Mac can get at least get a month or two in her little belly. 

Well... off to start the natural labor inducing progress checklist.  No castor oil on this one!

37 weeks from poolside to beach side

As you can see- the cool water has been my serenity these last HOT summer days. 

So here we are nearing the finish line at 80% effacement and dilated to a 1.  The OB appt. on Wednesday was exciting for me simply because it meant the lower stretching pains and groin discomfort have really been doing something all along.  I'm also overjoyed to report it could be any day now.  Music to the ears of any woman closing in on the roller coaster 10 month journey.  I've reread the journals of my two prior births this week and have been comforted by the progress of my "early laboring symptoms" currently present.  Now we just wait for the obvious signs, mucous plug and water breaking.  I'm going to throw out there a 

 delivery estimate...  I think in less than one week from tomorrow- this baby will be an external part of the world as we know it.

   

This picture is a very tired and worn out glimpse of my last days carrying this precious cargo. 

I do hope the next time we are at the beach to have less skin to tan, AND, a very healthy and happy little baby.  Thank God for the cooler temps this year at the beach, the 30 degree difference made my 4 hours entertaining the kiddos delightful. 

Cultures back

My 3yr olds birthday party

Okay so false alarm, the culture came back normal.  Which does not surprise me or comfort me with some reasoning.  There is still the extreme fatigue and irritability so I'm bucking up and believing we are closing in on the end of this long and emotional journey. 

Today is 36 weeks, approaching our next weekly Dr. visit. which should hopefully produce some exciting movements.  We toured the local birthing hospital this week with the intending mother, which left a very depressing impression.  It is a very small local hospital with 3 rooms for labor and delivery, which boils down to sharing a room if it is a busy baby night.  Not going to happen!  After two great, intimate, and private deliveries prior, I'm not about to end my very last pregnancy with a chance there could be a yelling screaming, first time mommy 4 feet away.  So I'm off, on the advice of my doula, to find a better option.  Wish me luck. 

The weather here is not cooperating for the last 4 weeks.  We are being blasted with hot hot 100's and not so cool nights!   Does not make for a good nights sleep, I guess well just expect a larger than life energy bill to boot..

35 week OBGYN appt.

Disappointingly enough the baby has not dropped nor have I been thinning these last few weeks.  The Dr. thinks there might be a possible urinary tract infection that is causing the early contractions and had me leave a urine sample to culture.  To me that would explain my extreme fatigue and uncontrollable grouchiness- other than the normal pregnancy symptoms.  It will take a few days to get the results, but I'm relieved to know there might be another reason for the irritability I'm experiencing, and that I might get some relief or better sleep with prescribed antibiotics. 

Unfortunately my mommy responsibilities do not get a reprieve.  So I'm off to prepare for the first day of school tomorrow and then complete the to do list for my daughter's 3rd birthday party that is Friday, meanwhile daddy's out of town on a business commitment so there is no one to rub my aching feet and tell me tomorrow is a brighter shade.  Guess I'll have to figure out how to get my feet close enough to even try to be therapeutic.   Well see how that goes. 

35 weeks and strong contractions!

Well here we are... a quick trip to the San Diego Zoo before school starts.  I found the double decker touring bus very accommodating and necessary. 

I have to say the days are moving faster and only weeks are left to secure the end of this journey.  I will be 35 weeks this Wednesday, the first day of school for my oldest child.  Also the intending mother will be arriving in the next few weeks to stay with us until the anticipated delivery.  There are mixed emotions about the upcoming birth and what is to come but most of them are comforted by a force of contentment that the journey is closing in on completion and life as we know it may start to resume.  I have to stay focused on the gift we are giving and not the pain it causes temporarily. 

The birth plan is set and I have my hospital bags out and ready to be filled.  I still have the rest of the details to work out like; will I pump breast milk for the baby and if so how long, and how and when will I ensure my children get to see the baby hopefully giving them a chance to understand fully what we've been fostering these last 9 months.  I have been reading a few surrogate blogs and have felt very comforted by their stories.  It has also opened up my mind up for the rest of this journey.  There is no ONE right way. 

The contractions are already stopping me on a daily basis, I have to stop what I'm doing to even get a breath.  I feel them mostly when Iam working out, every 10 minutes or less, and then on an irregular consistency during the day but growing stronger.  The contractions will no doubtfully prove to be moving me forward hopefully- when I go in for a pelvic exam tomorrow.  I'm assuming to be thinning and fully effaced, maybe dilated some- if not, I will be very surprised.  I do expect to be dilated for a few weeks before delivery so I do not expect to be delivering a baby in the next few weeks, although you never know.  Sleeping is not so productive right now.  Getting comfortable can be very complicated.  The numbness in my arms, that I experienced with my two other pregnancies, is starting again- thank God for chiropractic care.  I am keeping my thoughts turned to the fact I can give this precious Thumper to the parents soon and catch up on some well needed sleep then.

Update to follow RE: Obgyn exam.

31 weeks/ meeting with doula Lynn

This last month has flown by...  I can see the end nearing and it already seems like a dream that I have gotten this far without to many hurdles.  I look at my body and see she MUST be getting ready to leave so I am preparing for her exit.  The minor braxton hicks contractions are also evidence she might be getting ready in there for a practice run.  Either that or she is wishing she had more room to call home. 

My two babes randomly pull up my shirt to find the "baby belly" and all the new changes and movements.  With their little ears to my belly button they say they can hear her.  My soon to be 3 yr old thinks we all have babies in our belly- especially Dad...  he might need to loose a pound or two based on her observation.  

I have been meeting with a family counselor to keep my head on straight about the nearing end of my role.  I've had a dream about the "giveaway" and some unexpected emotional attachment that I have needed to work on.  It just goes to show us all that the mothers instincts are nondiscriminatory and so strong.   Other than that I have been feeling great.  Hoping to narrow down a hospital for delivery and work out all the important details with our doula this week.  The anticipation on the arrival of "thumper" is very exciting for me.  I can't wait to put a face to the hiccups and kicks. 

26 weeks and feeling "full"

Full is the perfect word to describe my emotional and physical status these days. 

I have definitely reached my capacity of both by midday early evening most days.  I have little to give myself or anyone else for that matter in this new phase of pregnancy/surrogating. 

As the baby keeps growing she is filling out very well inside my body and quickly taking over every organ that is in her way- meaning, my body is no longer my own.  The work it takes to stay ahead some days is exaustingto the point why bother.  Like they say, "one day at a time".  I crash hard, usually while trying to melt away from my life by reading for 10 minutes.

..

My 6 year old son has growing concerns toward this little life occupying his mother's body.  He is very curious and loves to kiss and feel the contorts of my expanding belly.  I see and feel his little heart loving something so easily that it pulls at my heart and fills me up.  The questions he will have someday will stop me in my racks I'm sure, but that will have to be something I approach then- because I'm not sure I have the eloquence quite yet to help him.  It will come when I need it, I'm sure, so I do not fret about it right now.

Counsel/Therapy is a must during this new attachment phase for me.  I feel ill prepared for the last trimester, but then I'd like to meet someone totally prepared for this rare journey.  I've been meeting with a counselor every week for this past month.  I keeps my mind focused and allows me to be totally candid, open and safe.  We search through all the feelings and sort them out, and then I leave with an organized soul & mind that can operate within functional parameters once again.  Thank God.  Kind of like my fitness plan as of late.  Without it I'd not have the balance and perspective I need to navigate the physical side of this journey.   

20 week hurddle and the unconditional bond of life

22 weeks today and moving forward...

The fruition of this journey keeps moving at a very steady pace for me. Often I feel it is moving so quickly I barely have time to wallow in the enjoyable moments. Being a mother of 2 keeps me so efficiently busy I rarely have enough time to cognitively process that I have been carrying another family's baby for 5 plus months.

Sooooo, the ultrasound with the intending couple was so intimate and beautiful. We sat in a very comfortable screening room with a huge leather couch and a big screen monitor to view the bouncing moves of the baby GIRL that is on her way. Yes, we are expecting a bright little jumping baby girl. I was somewhat hopeful for a boy, which probably does not make sense to most of you, but there is something extra special about those fragile little infant girls. I will need to work diligently at letting that attachment go, so with that confirmation, I will call and make another appointment with the friendly family therapist. I firmly believe that a healthy head in this journey is key to the survival of myself and my family.

As I sit here finishing my blog holding my 2.5 year old daughter on my lap, I lean in to her and pull her closer, smelling her little head anticipating our bed time routine which will undoubtedly come soon. I quickly realize she is fast asleep in my arms and I am brought to tears feeling the overwhelming unconditional bond of love we share and can't imagine a world without "this". Good night.

Juggling the acts of duty April 22, 2010

Between keeping a journal of the exciting ingredients of this new and adventurous process, like the kicking and fluttering going on ALL day long, and the amazing concept that this is all so possible to carry another families baby "inside of me", there are many items of business that need to be attended to periodically. The mounting bills and small insurance coverage issues have to be addressed by myself and watched for discrepancies and policy changes. There is always a risk that the insurance company will deny the charges since it is a surrogacy and not my child. If it were my pregnancy I would let it all go until the end, and worry about it then, but since we are dealing with another persons checkbook, which the outgoing funds add up rather quickly, I feel the need to be fastidious and on top of the game.

The static juggling duties would be the stay at home mommy/doting and supportive wife obligations and necessities. I do not have the discretionary funds to pay a housekeeper, personal chef/nutritionist, trainer, tutor, swimming coach, or even daycare facilitator so I can grab a quick nap, so guess who gets to perform or not perform all of the entertainment above... RIGHT, like most of us stay at home mothers sacrifice to have that chance to raise our children. Thank God for the accolades of my doting husband, my only admirer some days. Children can be so unforgiving for the most infinitesimal mommy mistakes. Of course I do it all with a smile, NOT. There are days that flow smoothly and others that, DON'T. The days that don't I just do what I can, and the days that do, I do more than I should- which probably leads to the days I CAN'T do ANYTHING... You are all enjoying this I'm sure. I would never give up this last year of staying at home with my children, they have been the most fruitful moments in history. I'll never forget most of them, and hopefully it has produced an incremental impression on my family.

And life goes on... Next week the 20 week ultrasound- I'm very anxious to see that jumper.

February 25, 2010

Hiring a doula: We hired a doula this week hoping that it would prove to be another wise decision. She will hopefully help share the incredible experience, take some weight off the parties involved, and accommodate the unexpected needs of participants. The doula interview was swift, and right away we all new it was going to be a benefit to hire such a person.

First Ultrasound:The intending mother and I went in for our first appointment together. Once again I was calm and my body took good care of my motherly instincts. She was taken by the pictures, as any mother would be looking at the first pictures of their baby, and we shared a very intimate moment together which will change my life forever.

Therapist session #1: Closing remarks; To work on taking care of self, not tending to others needs and feelings. Allowing myself to have emotion and express them without hesitation of what I feel others would want me to feel or say. To acknowledge that my needs are my responsibility.

January 10, 2010 Results of pregnancy test:

2 weeks of waiting: Emotionally I new I was pregnant, which turned out to be true. This moment was supposed to be momentous for me, right? Well it was, but only because it has taken the intended parents 7 years to get here and finally it has happened, so I was elated for them and a rush of emotion crept in for a brief moment. This is when I witnessed the power of the human body. I was incredibly emotionally centered, very unexpected, and life just resumed moving in the right direction, for me.

Now off to get a well needed nap!

December 3, 2009

Opinion's and ideas:

Everyone has them- you will not always find support where you'd most likely expected it. Make sure support is not necessary for your survival in this decision. Make sure you have a firm grip on reality and stay strong to your beliefs. I keep remembering that God rewards a good heart, or so I've been told.

The dates are set for insemination, now we wait for the period to end and ovulation to start. We are ALL so very excited to start this journey. My life is starting to feel very special to me. Not that is was not before, but a deeper sense of self and full of pride... It feels invigorating.

December 27, 2009:

I'm ovulating... now we go in for insemination tomorrow. FYI, Ovulation kit is very helpful! I had my ovulation all off- go figure I was able to get pregnant two times prior.

Procedure take less than 5 minutes, and were on our way back home to celebrate Christmas in a different light.

My surrogate journey: 2 weeks prior to fertility clinic

This was an anxious week... more eager to get the process started.

The 33 page attorney contract arrived and reading it became so overwhelming. I guess these big decisions come with big contracts. FYI- It is necessary for both parties to have a representing attorney.

Also the realization that this was going to be a huge sacrifice for my family as well as myself.

Surrogate's Profile: Part 1

My choice to surrogate a child for dear friends is my God given ability, that some "wanting to be mothers" have not been blessed with. My heart feels I need to share this ability with my incredibly deserving friends and also this journey with others who may simply be curious or involved in a surrogacy and looking for support or camaraderie. I hope you gain what you came to my blog for.

My brief profile:

I am a new SAHM that has moved her family half way across the country this year. Through that journey of change there was much discovery, but there was also an emptiness following me from prior to the relocation and job loss. A need for a deeper purpose perhaps, which I'm sure we all go through some time in our adult life. Upon realization of that I started seeking spiritual guidance through meditation and prayer, and during that time, which I was unaware, I was being led to this special purpose unfolding before me. Oh the power of an open heart. I new the minute it entered the picture, that this was my deeper purpose.

This is not something anyone should take lightly, but as a mother of two healthy and beautiful children I was led by my soul to help a friend in need, which to this day I have never regretted once. So my/our journey starts:

We did not take this decision lightly, there was grueling therapy appointments with both participating couples. There were many nights of intense talks about future and present unknowns, health related complications, emotional responses, and so much more that kept coming up every time we would meet. After an quiet emotional break for a few months we decided to make the plans to move forward and 2 months later we took the next big step, with a leap of faith, believing we were right, we headed for fertility clinic (insemination).

It must be God driven because everything has worked out so smoothly and uncomplicated. Insemination took the first time, ultrasounds and prenatal screenings are all negative for any kind of birth defect, and my health at the age of 38 is healthy and stronger than it has been for a few years.

That was 5 months ago... and I am proud to report: I am a healthy 19 weeks pregnant with their baby.

The road of pregnancy has it's ups and downs, and I am not void of any of those, my loving and supportive husband will confirm. I will say though that this sacrifice is part of the gift I'm giving, and I will not expect this pregnancy to be any different, it was my choice. So you will not hear me complaining or looking for sympathy but I will keep you up to date with my story of bringing up a little life.