Full is the perfect word to describe my emotional and physical status these days.
I have definitely reached my capacity of both by midday early evening most days. I have little to give myself or anyone else for that matter in this new phase of pregnancy/surrogating.
As the baby keeps growing she is filling out very well inside my body and quickly taking over every organ that is in her way- meaning, my body is no longer my own. The work it takes to stay ahead some days is exaustingto the point why bother. Like they say, "one day at a time". I crash hard, usually while trying to melt away from my life by reading for 10 minutes.
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My 6 year old son has growing concerns toward this little life occupying his mother's body. He is very curious and loves to kiss and feel the contorts of my expanding belly. I see and feel his little heart loving something so easily that it pulls at my heart and fills me up. The questions he will have someday will stop me in my racks I'm sure, but that will have to be something I approach then- because I'm not sure I have the eloquence quite yet to help him. It will come when I need it, I'm sure, so I do not fret about it right now.
Counsel/Therapy is a must during this new attachment phase for me. I feel ill prepared for the last trimester, but then I'd like to meet someone totally prepared for this rare journey. I've been meeting with a counselor every week for this past month. I keeps my mind focused and allows me to be totally candid, open and safe. We search through all the feelings and sort them out, and then I leave with an organized soul & mind that can operate within functional parameters once again. Thank God. Kind of like my fitness plan as of late. Without it I'd not have the balance and perspective I need to navigate the physical side of this journey.
