Cultures back

My 3yr olds birthday party

Okay so false alarm, the culture came back normal.  Which does not surprise me or comfort me with some reasoning.  There is still the extreme fatigue and irritability so I'm bucking up and believing we are closing in on the end of this long and emotional journey. 

Today is 36 weeks, approaching our next weekly Dr. visit. which should hopefully produce some exciting movements.  We toured the local birthing hospital this week with the intending mother, which left a very depressing impression.  It is a very small local hospital with 3 rooms for labor and delivery, which boils down to sharing a room if it is a busy baby night.  Not going to happen!  After two great, intimate, and private deliveries prior, I'm not about to end my very last pregnancy with a chance there could be a yelling screaming, first time mommy 4 feet away.  So I'm off, on the advice of my doula, to find a better option.  Wish me luck. 

The weather here is not cooperating for the last 4 weeks.  We are being blasted with hot hot 100's and not so cool nights!   Does not make for a good nights sleep, I guess well just expect a larger than life energy bill to boot..

35 week OBGYN appt.

Disappointingly enough the baby has not dropped nor have I been thinning these last few weeks.  The Dr. thinks there might be a possible urinary tract infection that is causing the early contractions and had me leave a urine sample to culture.  To me that would explain my extreme fatigue and uncontrollable grouchiness- other than the normal pregnancy symptoms.  It will take a few days to get the results, but I'm relieved to know there might be another reason for the irritability I'm experiencing, and that I might get some relief or better sleep with prescribed antibiotics. 

Unfortunately my mommy responsibilities do not get a reprieve.  So I'm off to prepare for the first day of school tomorrow and then complete the to do list for my daughter's 3rd birthday party that is Friday, meanwhile daddy's out of town on a business commitment so there is no one to rub my aching feet and tell me tomorrow is a brighter shade.  Guess I'll have to figure out how to get my feet close enough to even try to be therapeutic.   Well see how that goes. 

35 weeks and strong contractions!

Well here we are... a quick trip to the San Diego Zoo before school starts.  I found the double decker touring bus very accommodating and necessary. 

I have to say the days are moving faster and only weeks are left to secure the end of this journey.  I will be 35 weeks this Wednesday, the first day of school for my oldest child.  Also the intending mother will be arriving in the next few weeks to stay with us until the anticipated delivery.  There are mixed emotions about the upcoming birth and what is to come but most of them are comforted by a force of contentment that the journey is closing in on completion and life as we know it may start to resume.  I have to stay focused on the gift we are giving and not the pain it causes temporarily. 

The birth plan is set and I have my hospital bags out and ready to be filled.  I still have the rest of the details to work out like; will I pump breast milk for the baby and if so how long, and how and when will I ensure my children get to see the baby hopefully giving them a chance to understand fully what we've been fostering these last 9 months.  I have been reading a few surrogate blogs and have felt very comforted by their stories.  It has also opened up my mind up for the rest of this journey.  There is no ONE right way. 

The contractions are already stopping me on a daily basis, I have to stop what I'm doing to even get a breath.  I feel them mostly when Iam working out, every 10 minutes or less, and then on an irregular consistency during the day but growing stronger.  The contractions will no doubtfully prove to be moving me forward hopefully- when I go in for a pelvic exam tomorrow.  I'm assuming to be thinning and fully effaced, maybe dilated some- if not, I will be very surprised.  I do expect to be dilated for a few weeks before delivery so I do not expect to be delivering a baby in the next few weeks, although you never know.  Sleeping is not so productive right now.  Getting comfortable can be very complicated.  The numbness in my arms, that I experienced with my two other pregnancies, is starting again- thank God for chiropractic care.  I am keeping my thoughts turned to the fact I can give this precious Thumper to the parents soon and catch up on some well needed sleep then.

Update to follow RE: Obgyn exam.

31 weeks/ meeting with doula Lynn

This last month has flown by...  I can see the end nearing and it already seems like a dream that I have gotten this far without to many hurdles.  I look at my body and see she MUST be getting ready to leave so I am preparing for her exit.  The minor braxton hicks contractions are also evidence she might be getting ready in there for a practice run.  Either that or she is wishing she had more room to call home. 

My two babes randomly pull up my shirt to find the "baby belly" and all the new changes and movements.  With their little ears to my belly button they say they can hear her.  My soon to be 3 yr old thinks we all have babies in our belly- especially Dad...  he might need to loose a pound or two based on her observation.  

I have been meeting with a family counselor to keep my head on straight about the nearing end of my role.  I've had a dream about the "giveaway" and some unexpected emotional attachment that I have needed to work on.  It just goes to show us all that the mothers instincts are nondiscriminatory and so strong.   Other than that I have been feeling great.  Hoping to narrow down a hospital for delivery and work out all the important details with our doula this week.  The anticipation on the arrival of "thumper" is very exciting for me.  I can't wait to put a face to the hiccups and kicks. 

26 weeks and feeling "full"

Full is the perfect word to describe my emotional and physical status these days. 

I have definitely reached my capacity of both by midday early evening most days.  I have little to give myself or anyone else for that matter in this new phase of pregnancy/surrogating. 

As the baby keeps growing she is filling out very well inside my body and quickly taking over every organ that is in her way- meaning, my body is no longer my own.  The work it takes to stay ahead some days is exaustingto the point why bother.  Like they say, "one day at a time".  I crash hard, usually while trying to melt away from my life by reading for 10 minutes.

..

My 6 year old son has growing concerns toward this little life occupying his mother's body.  He is very curious and loves to kiss and feel the contorts of my expanding belly.  I see and feel his little heart loving something so easily that it pulls at my heart and fills me up.  The questions he will have someday will stop me in my racks I'm sure, but that will have to be something I approach then- because I'm not sure I have the eloquence quite yet to help him.  It will come when I need it, I'm sure, so I do not fret about it right now.

Counsel/Therapy is a must during this new attachment phase for me.  I feel ill prepared for the last trimester, but then I'd like to meet someone totally prepared for this rare journey.  I've been meeting with a counselor every week for this past month.  I keeps my mind focused and allows me to be totally candid, open and safe.  We search through all the feelings and sort them out, and then I leave with an organized soul & mind that can operate within functional parameters once again.  Thank God.  Kind of like my fitness plan as of late.  Without it I'd not have the balance and perspective I need to navigate the physical side of this journey.   

20 week hurddle and the unconditional bond of life

22 weeks today and moving forward...

The fruition of this journey keeps moving at a very steady pace for me. Often I feel it is moving so quickly I barely have time to wallow in the enjoyable moments. Being a mother of 2 keeps me so efficiently busy I rarely have enough time to cognitively process that I have been carrying another family's baby for 5 plus months.

Sooooo, the ultrasound with the intending couple was so intimate and beautiful. We sat in a very comfortable screening room with a huge leather couch and a big screen monitor to view the bouncing moves of the baby GIRL that is on her way. Yes, we are expecting a bright little jumping baby girl. I was somewhat hopeful for a boy, which probably does not make sense to most of you, but there is something extra special about those fragile little infant girls. I will need to work diligently at letting that attachment go, so with that confirmation, I will call and make another appointment with the friendly family therapist. I firmly believe that a healthy head in this journey is key to the survival of myself and my family.

As I sit here finishing my blog holding my 2.5 year old daughter on my lap, I lean in to her and pull her closer, smelling her little head anticipating our bed time routine which will undoubtedly come soon. I quickly realize she is fast asleep in my arms and I am brought to tears feeling the overwhelming unconditional bond of love we share and can't imagine a world without "this". Good night.

Juggling the acts of duty April 22, 2010

Between keeping a journal of the exciting ingredients of this new and adventurous process, like the kicking and fluttering going on ALL day long, and the amazing concept that this is all so possible to carry another families baby "inside of me", there are many items of business that need to be attended to periodically. The mounting bills and small insurance coverage issues have to be addressed by myself and watched for discrepancies and policy changes. There is always a risk that the insurance company will deny the charges since it is a surrogacy and not my child. If it were my pregnancy I would let it all go until the end, and worry about it then, but since we are dealing with another persons checkbook, which the outgoing funds add up rather quickly, I feel the need to be fastidious and on top of the game.

The static juggling duties would be the stay at home mommy/doting and supportive wife obligations and necessities. I do not have the discretionary funds to pay a housekeeper, personal chef/nutritionist, trainer, tutor, swimming coach, or even daycare facilitator so I can grab a quick nap, so guess who gets to perform or not perform all of the entertainment above... RIGHT, like most of us stay at home mothers sacrifice to have that chance to raise our children. Thank God for the accolades of my doting husband, my only admirer some days. Children can be so unforgiving for the most infinitesimal mommy mistakes. Of course I do it all with a smile, NOT. There are days that flow smoothly and others that, DON'T. The days that don't I just do what I can, and the days that do, I do more than I should- which probably leads to the days I CAN'T do ANYTHING... You are all enjoying this I'm sure. I would never give up this last year of staying at home with my children, they have been the most fruitful moments in history. I'll never forget most of them, and hopefully it has produced an incremental impression on my family.

And life goes on... Next week the 20 week ultrasound- I'm very anxious to see that jumper.