Post delivery/recovery

Morning after the delivery, alone time with my family and baby Mac.

Well it's been a week and a half after the delivery and I'm recouping slowly, considering I'm without the infant that needs endless care taking.  It must be the age thing then, cause I feel like I got hit by a MAC truck.  The fact that I'm pumping for little Mac is most likely the cause of my fatigue but I know the importance of the first 3 months of breast feeding, so that is my personal goal, to make it one month at a time, as long as it does not jeopardize my family or my health and healing.   I've been taken back some with a "back to school" cold which is kicking my butt as well. 

There has been huge chunks of clarity this week for me, reliving the entire year that as now come to brief close.  This journey has changed me and the way I engage life.  I find having to find a place for the more difficult parts and then soon enough I'll know what to do with them.  Like this little drawer of temporary storage. 

There has been short moments with feelings of loss, which just leaves me with this anxiousness to keep my precious two within eye distance for fear of loosing anything more.   I know that will fade with time but it is not easy for the immediate time being.  All this could very well be a hormonal response to the birth and delivery, so I will be patient and let it fall into place.  Meanwhile watching this amazing little gift make her new parents melt, graces me with a content and happy spirit.

It is truly amazing the huge amount of support and love my family's receiving because of this choice and journey.  I'm not to sure I could of made it this far without it all.  It gets a little overwhelming at times to feel so admired for doing something I knew I was supposed to do.  I'm not this incredible person nor am I superwoman.  God just chose me and granted me small lessons of life along the way. 

Saying goodbye to little Mac.

I just couldn't imagine their life without the experience of watching amazing children, like the ones I have been blessed with, grow old along with them.  

Good night baby...

Strong contractions and still nothing... approaching 39 weeks, and then.

Last night was a very sleepless night. 

We were at the beach yesterday, which was needed, to get out of this house and the heat.  I thought the events of that day would help the laboring progress to the next level.  I woke up around 2-2:30am thinking if the contractions kept up we'd be heading to the hospital very soon, if not that night- but of course they stayed inconsistent and just annoyingly painful.  I Woke up this morning exhausted with nothing more than more soreness and weariness.  It is not desperation yet but nearing it.  I've reread all my labor inducing rituals and some of them just wear me out thinking about them, so I'm sticking to the decision to let her come when she's ready and not fret to much on the expectations....

Tuesday September 7, 2010

Took my oldest to school, receiving many supportive comments from all the mom's and my friends that have watched this experience unfold for the last 10 months, did the grocery shopping with the 3 yr old, and came home ready to get the ball rolling.  1:00 pm: 2oz. of castor oil and a shot of coke, upside down pose to get the baby's head to drop into position and open up dilation, and to top It all off a nice long walk with my daughter.  1-2 hours later the castor oil seemed to help rid myself of all the unneeded baggage but as for contractions it did nothing to keep them consistent or progress.

4:00pm: the 39 week Dr. appointment with the intending mother, who has been in town for over 3 weeks now anticipating her arrival.

I rescheduled the appt. for today based on the need to have my husband present during labor and delivery.  He was scheduled this week to be traveling heavily and I wanted to ground him home for selfish reasons!  I was very sure of one thing, and that was not wanting to do this without him.   Meanwhile. at the Dr. office, I was informed there had not been any progress from the previous 38 week appointment, so he politely stripped my membranes and sent me home in more discomfort with instructions to head into the hospital if contractions were 5 minutes apart or less. 

At home that evening my mother in law came over to help with dinner while we were expecting my husband to arrive from his long day trip to LA any moment.  We had some burgers and fries with the kids and no longer than my husband's foot steps through the door I knew the "right contractions" were starting to get very consistent.  With pep in our step we sent Grandmother home to pack her overnight bags and we proceeded to time every contraction for another hour.  The 3 minute apart contractions lasted through the long hot shower I took in preparation for the awaited evening.  Grandmother came back with her bags packed and we were off.  Knowing the hospital was only 10 minutes away we were afforded a few more minutes to do the last schedule changes and arrangements, then we said our goodbyes and eagerly proceeded to the next phase of this journey. 

8:00pm arrival at the hospital. 

I was having regular contractions that were still 3 minutes apart then they had me lie down to start the monitoring and do the initial exam.  The not so friendly nurse examined me and in her most indelicate manner informed me I was ONLY dilated to a 2 and would probably be sent home.  I was sure she had to be kidding, but laying down was really uncomfortable and wasn't doing much for moving the contractions along either.   So the doula and I headed for the halls, and no longer than 30 minutes of walking later I was in such excruciating pain we decided to get back to the monitors for another examination.  Sure enough, I was dilated to an 8.  The not so friendly nurse looked a little panicky as she made the frantic calls to the doctor and staff to get the delivery room ready.  I barely made it to the room, via wheelchair, before the first urge to push. 30 minutes of waiting for the doctor to arrive, no chance of epidural, and 10 minutes of pushing later, the lovely Mac was born.  She was a beautiful sight to see and a healthy 6lbs and 5 oz. 18 inches long.  What an end to such a long journey, but the best reward for me was to see her sweet face and hold her close.  The end of this journey hit me the next day when I decided to venture out of my hospital room to visit the baby in the nursery.  The staff would not let me in to hold her and then I realized my part of carrying this baby, was done.   It was a harsh realization but it did help me move on, and back to the hospital bed to rest and focus on MY recovery. 

This is my son and I holding her hand the morning after in the hospital.

38 weeks and 1 day

Dr. appointment today. 

She stated I'm measuring smaller than last week, maybe because she dropped lower into my pelvis- which feels about right to me.  I'm showing at 80% effaced and dilated to a 3.  Now we wait some more... come on water, BREAK! 

The progress pain is more noticeable now and walking has taken on a new purpose for me.  I've been able to maintain a 3 day a week walking schedule at the gym, but today was 45 minutes of straight excruciating pain.  I didn't think I'd make it the whole 45 minute goal.  The sciatica pain has started, which thank God it didn't start till this week.  My last pregnancy it started at 5 months and stayed pretty consistent even with regular chiropractic visits.    I'm relieved to know we are heading into the last days. 

This week has been exhausting with very little sleep and the heat close to the hundreds again.  I'm looking forward to a quick climate change- maybe the cooler San Diego beaches are calling my name one last time before baby arrives.  It is Labor Day weekend, I think we need one last celebration. 

Both intending parents will be in town by tomorrow this time, maybe she is waiting for them to be together to make her final decent.  We are ready for the arrival, car seat is installed, breast pump is sanitized and ready to pump, hospital bags are packed, emergency call list ready, what else are we forgetting.  We've decided to try the first month of me pumping baby milk and sending them the packages weekly.  It turns out there is no one way to send breast milk half way across the country, who would of thought.  It is also very time consuming and extremely costly!   I'm hoping it isn't as complicated as it looks like it could be, so baby Mac can get at least get a month or two in her little belly. 

Well... off to start the natural labor inducing progress checklist.  No castor oil on this one!

37 weeks from poolside to beach side

As you can see- the cool water has been my serenity these last HOT summer days. 

So here we are nearing the finish line at 80% effacement and dilated to a 1.  The OB appt. on Wednesday was exciting for me simply because it meant the lower stretching pains and groin discomfort have really been doing something all along.  I'm also overjoyed to report it could be any day now.  Music to the ears of any woman closing in on the roller coaster 10 month journey.  I've reread the journals of my two prior births this week and have been comforted by the progress of my "early laboring symptoms" currently present.  Now we just wait for the obvious signs, mucous plug and water breaking.  I'm going to throw out there a 

 delivery estimate...  I think in less than one week from tomorrow- this baby will be an external part of the world as we know it.

   

This picture is a very tired and worn out glimpse of my last days carrying this precious cargo. 

I do hope the next time we are at the beach to have less skin to tan, AND, a very healthy and happy little baby.  Thank God for the cooler temps this year at the beach, the 30 degree difference made my 4 hours entertaining the kiddos delightful. 

Cultures back

My 3yr olds birthday party

Okay so false alarm, the culture came back normal.  Which does not surprise me or comfort me with some reasoning.  There is still the extreme fatigue and irritability so I'm bucking up and believing we are closing in on the end of this long and emotional journey. 

Today is 36 weeks, approaching our next weekly Dr. visit. which should hopefully produce some exciting movements.  We toured the local birthing hospital this week with the intending mother, which left a very depressing impression.  It is a very small local hospital with 3 rooms for labor and delivery, which boils down to sharing a room if it is a busy baby night.  Not going to happen!  After two great, intimate, and private deliveries prior, I'm not about to end my very last pregnancy with a chance there could be a yelling screaming, first time mommy 4 feet away.  So I'm off, on the advice of my doula, to find a better option.  Wish me luck. 

The weather here is not cooperating for the last 4 weeks.  We are being blasted with hot hot 100's and not so cool nights!   Does not make for a good nights sleep, I guess well just expect a larger than life energy bill to boot..

35 week OBGYN appt.

Disappointingly enough the baby has not dropped nor have I been thinning these last few weeks.  The Dr. thinks there might be a possible urinary tract infection that is causing the early contractions and had me leave a urine sample to culture.  To me that would explain my extreme fatigue and uncontrollable grouchiness- other than the normal pregnancy symptoms.  It will take a few days to get the results, but I'm relieved to know there might be another reason for the irritability I'm experiencing, and that I might get some relief or better sleep with prescribed antibiotics. 

Unfortunately my mommy responsibilities do not get a reprieve.  So I'm off to prepare for the first day of school tomorrow and then complete the to do list for my daughter's 3rd birthday party that is Friday, meanwhile daddy's out of town on a business commitment so there is no one to rub my aching feet and tell me tomorrow is a brighter shade.  Guess I'll have to figure out how to get my feet close enough to even try to be therapeutic.   Well see how that goes. 

35 weeks and strong contractions!

Well here we are... a quick trip to the San Diego Zoo before school starts.  I found the double decker touring bus very accommodating and necessary. 

I have to say the days are moving faster and only weeks are left to secure the end of this journey.  I will be 35 weeks this Wednesday, the first day of school for my oldest child.  Also the intending mother will be arriving in the next few weeks to stay with us until the anticipated delivery.  There are mixed emotions about the upcoming birth and what is to come but most of them are comforted by a force of contentment that the journey is closing in on completion and life as we know it may start to resume.  I have to stay focused on the gift we are giving and not the pain it causes temporarily. 

The birth plan is set and I have my hospital bags out and ready to be filled.  I still have the rest of the details to work out like; will I pump breast milk for the baby and if so how long, and how and when will I ensure my children get to see the baby hopefully giving them a chance to understand fully what we've been fostering these last 9 months.  I have been reading a few surrogate blogs and have felt very comforted by their stories.  It has also opened up my mind up for the rest of this journey.  There is no ONE right way. 

The contractions are already stopping me on a daily basis, I have to stop what I'm doing to even get a breath.  I feel them mostly when Iam working out, every 10 minutes or less, and then on an irregular consistency during the day but growing stronger.  The contractions will no doubtfully prove to be moving me forward hopefully- when I go in for a pelvic exam tomorrow.  I'm assuming to be thinning and fully effaced, maybe dilated some- if not, I will be very surprised.  I do expect to be dilated for a few weeks before delivery so I do not expect to be delivering a baby in the next few weeks, although you never know.  Sleeping is not so productive right now.  Getting comfortable can be very complicated.  The numbness in my arms, that I experienced with my two other pregnancies, is starting again- thank God for chiropractic care.  I am keeping my thoughts turned to the fact I can give this precious Thumper to the parents soon and catch up on some well needed sleep then.

Update to follow RE: Obgyn exam.